


You Thought Parenting Couldn't Get Worse

by shipposts-and-shitposts (Fastest_Enby_Alive)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Human Sides (Sanders Sides), M/M, Sanders Sides Superhero AU, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Remus Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-23 00:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20331004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fastest_Enby_Alive/pseuds/shipposts-and-shitposts
Summary: Based on this tumblr post: https://marvelfangeek09.tumblr.com/post/186822967718/ok-so-i-want-this-fic-that-literally-im-the-onlyIn which Emile Picani is basically Aunt Cass trying to raise the sides...turns out all six of them have super powers.





	1. Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Y’all this is my first Sanders Sides fic...I’m really excited. I kinda don’t feel like explaining the AU, so just check out the post to get all of the info.  
Just to explain some things, all the Sides are siblings, and they all have different ages. Deceit’s the oldest, he’s Dorian in this AU, at 17, then Logan at 15, Roman and Remus at 14, Virgil at 12, and Patton at 9. At some point I’ll give them superhero names (because I’m really excited to give them cool nicknames). This is only chapter one, so Emile doesn’t know the kids have powers yet, but we’ll get there soon enough.

“Fuck.”

“Dorian! What did I say about swearing around Patton?”

Dorian slowly glanced at his uncle, and responded with, “That I’m not supposed to?

Emile sighed. “Yes.”

Dorian smirked. “Hey Pat, wanna learn something new?”

“No!” 

“Yeah!” Patton sprinted into the room.

“No!” Emile repeated, picking up Patton and taking him back to his room.

Dorian chuckled before lying down on the couch and pulling out his phone.

“Why can’t Dorian teach me things?”

“Because a lot of the stuff Dorian wants to teach you is teenager stuff that you’re not quite ready for.”

“Aw, c’mon!” Patton complained. “I’m ready!”

“You’re nine, Pat.”

“So?”

“Just let it go, kiddo.”

Patton pouted, but sighed and placed himself down on his bed. Emile smiled in a small moment of “I successfully parented” and ruffled Patton’s hair before leaving, and closing the door behind him.

“Alright Virgie it’s time for bed.” Emile finally found Virgil hiding under the sink just under an hour later.

Virgil frowned and curled back in on himself.

“VIrgil, c’mon kiddo, let’s go.” Emile held his hand out. Virgil still shook his head.

“Bud, it’s not gonna be comfortable sleeping under there, especially when you’ve got a perfectly good bed upstairs.”

Virgil frowned, but crawled out. He blatantly ignored Emile’s attempt at a hug and walked past him with a quiet, “G’night.”

Emile huffed. “C’mon, Virgil, really? Are you too cool for hugs now?”

Virgil stopped before quickly turning around, squeezing his arms around Emile’s waist, and sprinting upstairs.

“Better than nothing, I guess,” Emile murmured to himself.

“Dorian, get off the couch, you’re supposed to be asleep.”

“Oh am I?” Dorian rolled his eyes and glanced at Emile. “See, I thought Logan and I were supposed to go to bed after Roman and Remus, both of whom are very much still awake.”

“Shoot,” Emile groaned, hurrying off into the other room. “Boys, go to bed.” He paused for a second to take in the scene in front of him.

Remus was standing on top of the piano, bent over so his back was arched and his fingers were on the piano keys. Roman was standing in front of the piano with his phone out, ready to film whatever stupid idea Remus had come up with.

“Hey Uncle Emile,” Remus said with a beaming grin. “Look how flexible I am.”

“I see that. Now go to bed.”

“Aww, really?” Roman complained. “But this could get us enough followers to boost us to 3,000 followers on--”

“I don’t care. It’s eleven o’clock, go to bed.”

Remus groaned loudly, before wobbling in place. “I can’t get down.”

“Logan, I’ve already had to yell at three of your siblings tonight, can you just go to bed? Please?”

Logan silently stared at Emile, before nodding, closing his laptop, and headed off to his room.

“Thank you Logan,” Emile said with a sigh of relief. “Can you make sure your siblings are in bed?”

“No less than I always do,” he grumbled back with a cold tone.

“Hey.” Logan turned around frustratedly, his glasses slipping. “Really. Thank you.”

Logan cracked a small smile and continued upstairs.

“Pat, you asleep?”

Patton sat up in bed to see Virgil standing in the doorway, illuminated by his nightlight.

“Nope,” Patton replied, starting to free himself from the several blankets trapping him in bed.

“No, no, stay there,” Virgil shook his head quickly. He climbed up onto Patton’s bed. “Wanna see something cool?”

Patton nodded quietly. Virgil smiled and pointed to the wall. Patton looked to see his own form against the wall, waving gently to him. Patton cocked his head, and the shadow did too.

“Virge, did you do that?”

“Yeah. Figured it out yesterday.” Virgil chuckled. “You’re the first one I told. Don’t tell Uncle Emile. He’s got enough to worry about, he shouldn’t have to worry about my ‘magic shadow powers’.”

“Okay,” Patton said with a smile. “That’s really cool.”

“Thanks Pat. You should go to bed.” He hopped off the bed and rearranged the sheets to tuck Patton back in. “G’night Pat.”

“Night Virgil.”


	2. This Isn't Going To End Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to keep a decent update schedule to keep y'all reading, which might be hard because I've got school starting up next week. Hope you enjoy!

Logan was very much not a morning person. He did enjoy being as productive as humanly possible, but most of that productive work happened at nighttime for him. He also wasn’t much for coffee and tea didn’t seem to keep him awake as much as he’d like.

But, alas, he had too many siblings to sleep in that much.

“Logan! It’s morning!”

Logan glanced up to see a very blurry outline of his youngest sibling. He reached for his glasses and sat up so he could actually see.

“Yes, Patton. I would assume, as you are waking me up.” Logan sighed. “What I don’t know is why you are so excited by the fact that it is the morning.”

“Uncle Emile’s making waffles,” Patton replied, bouncing Logan’s bed slightly.

If it were anyone else, including his other siblings, Logan would have pushed him off the bed and gone back to sleep, but there was something about Patton’s innocent grin and the sparkle in his eyes that stopped Logan from laying a hand on him.

“Waffles do sound appealing,” Logan said with a small smile, picking up Patton and pulling himself out of bed.

When they reached the kitchen, Roman and Remus had already finished their breakfasts and were off to do the usual stupid things they did for the Internet’s approval. Whatever they were doing couldn’t be safe in the slightest, but it apparently involved two skateboards and several water bottles.

Logan placed Patton down in his usual place at the breakfast table before sitting down as well. “I have heard you’re making waffles.”

“Correct!” Emile smiled, giving each of them a plate. “How are you two doing this morning?”

“Good!” Patton chirped, already digging into his breakfast.

“Fairly good,” Logan replied.

“Hey, where’s Dorian? He’s usually up by now,” Emile asked, turning back to the waffle-maker.

“I’ll go check on him,” Logan volunteered. He would get Virgil as well, but no one woke up Virgil before 10 AM without a large bruise.

Logan went back upstairs and poked his head into Dorian and Virgil’s shared room. Virgil was curled up in his usual position, but Dorian was spread out on his bed with the sheets untucked, as if he started to get in bed and then passed on top of it anyway.

“Dorian.” Logan hissed, placing his hand on his shoulder. “Dorian, get up.”

“Shuddup,” Dorian murmured quietly, but otherwise didn’t move.

“Dorian, you’re usually up by now. What’s wrong?” Logan huffed. Dorian still wouldn’t budge.

“Something’s wrong with Dorian.”

Patton frowned. “I’ll try!” He hopped out of his chair and sprinted upstairs. Logan sighed and sat back down.

“You sure you’re alright, kiddo?” Emile asked. Logan nodded silently.

Patton hurried back downstairs. “He won’t get up, and I don’t want to make too much noise.”

Emile groaned. “My turn, I guess. Logan, can you give Patton his meds?”

“Yeah,” Logan replied.

Emile went back into Dorian and Virgil’s room to see an awake Virgil, which wasn’t normal in the slightest.

“Hey Virgie, did we wake you up?” Emile frowned. “Go ahead back to sleep.”

"Nah, I’m awake now, might as well eat food,” he sighed, making his way downstairs.

Emile glanced back to Virgil before going over to Dorian’s bed. “Dorian, c’mon, you’re scaring us.” He firmly shook Dorian’s shoulder. “Dorian. Dorian, let’s go.” He frustratedly snapped his fingers near Dorian’s ear.

Suddenly, Dorian shot up in bed with a hurried, “What time is it?”

Emile glanced at the clock. “Around nine thirty. You slept in a lot more than usual. Kinda freaked out Logan, Pat, and I.”

“I’m up after Virgil?” Dorian asked, eyebrows furrowed. “That’s a first. I should probably go downstairs.”

“Yeah, you should.” Emile watched as Dorian left, extremely confused as to what just happened.

Roman and Remus came back into the apartment around noon, covered in water and bruises, as expected. No one batted an eye until Remus said, “Ooh, I found a knife in my pocket!”

“Wait, what?” Emile held his hand out. “Let me see.” Remus handed it over, and it indeed was a compact dagger, covered with a lime green sheath. “Where did you get this?”

Remus shrugged. “I just found it.”

Emile looked him over, seeing no obvious damage, and pocketed the knife. “Alright. I’m gonna hold onto it. You two shouldn’t be playing with knives.”

Remus huffed but walked back to his room without a word.


End file.
